FALLING IN LOVE ROCKS!

Even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. 

Even as he is for your growth 

so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and 

caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, 

So shall he descend to your roots

and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself. 

He threshes you to make you naked. 

He sifts you to free you from your husks. 

He grinds you to whiteness. 

He kneads you until you are pliant; 

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, 

that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

All of these things shall love do unto you 

that you may know the secrets of your heart, 

and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

~Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

"Falling in Love Rocks!"
Roadside, Boulder Canyon.
(c) 2012 Melissa Johnson.

Last year while visiting my family in Virginia, my sweetheart and I had an opportunity to spend the afternoon in my grandfather’s basement. A mixture of Salvation Army this-and-thats, tools, books and World War II memorabilia, you didn’t have to know him to see his reflection in that downstairs room.  We spent hours rummaging through his things, speculating about what drew him to one item or another, as we shared tales of a life well lived. 

Then we found it, there in a drawer; his military issue handgun.  Not surprising given Grandpa’s affinity for antique military weaponry, but there just under the clear coat handle was a gorgeous, flirty photo of my Grandmother on one side, and a picture of the two of them lip-locked on the other.  I couldn’t take my eyes off the thing, transfixed by the paradox: Images of a life-enhancing love permanently affixed to a weapon of death and destruction.  Why?

“Don’t you see?” Kevin said, holding the gun in the palm of his hand.  “It’s a statement about his love.”  I still didn’t get it.  “Think about it…what did he live for?  What would he die for?  What would he defend?” 

I never really understood that kind of love until that moment.  I had dreamt of it, longed for it, read every relationship self-help book on the market and tried to convince myself that I'd found it, with no lasting effect.  But there in the basement, sharing that quiet moment, I got it. I knew that I would walk the line for him and I had no doubt he would do the same for me.  He already had. 

Our path has not been easy, especially in the beginning as we faced challenges that rocked us to the core, but our love has grown through the cracks of early disappointment.  Instead of running away we held fast to each other, strengthened by our shared experience of that which we couldn’t explain.  These became our building blocks; the foundation of our life together.  

We're planning a New Year's Eve wedding this year, a black tie affair with family and friends. I couldn't be more thrilled!  And as I reflect on how we got here from there, I am reminded that even when enduring our greatest struggles, being together has been mostly easy. Like falling rocks, we hit the ground and break apart sometimes but our pieces grow stronger and we become more of who we are. Not for the faint of heart.

CAUTION:  Falling in love rocks! 

BEAUTIFUL!

When I admire the wonders of a sunset

or the beauty of the moon,

my soul expands in the worship of the creator.

~ M. Gandhi

“Well, isn’t that beautiful!” She exclaims with delight in her breathy, southern drawl. “That’s about the prettiest thing I think I’ve evah seen!” “She” being my grandmother, Catherine Mitchell Mason, and the “beautiful”? Well, that could be just about anything—from a strand of pearls to a handwritten note to a honey glazed ham on the table for Christmas dinner. To her, they’re all beautiful and something to be cherished.

Yet this is not the world view of one who knows little of hardship and struggle. She grew up picking peas with her sisters in the pea patch, a hot, bothersome task for any child. And when her mother passed away, at 13 my Grandmother took on chores typically reserved for the lady of the house. She lived through World War II then married my grandfather when he returned from Germany. They had their children and built a strong life together. Then later, she watched with horror as her beloved burned in a car explosion right before her eyes, an accident requiring multiple skin grafts and a very long recovery, but she lived it with him and helped nurse him back to health.

When she discovered she was pregnant in her early 50s, having been warned by her doctor that having the baby would cost her life, she bravely stood with my Grandfather before a panel of male physicians to present her case for terminating the pregnancy, a courageous act indeed since abortion was illegal back then and her religious beliefs kept her at odds with the whole idea. She’s had multiple open heart surgeries, necessitated by valve damage from an early case of Rheumatic Fever, and she’s overcome the debilitating effects of the strokes she suffered during those procedures, learning to read, write and speak all over again—not once but twice! She dedicated many years of her life as a hospice volunteer, sitting bedside and caring for those terminally ill patients struggling to find comfort in their final days. Yes ma’am, my Grandmother knows a little something about the dark side of life, yet she’s never wavered in expressing its beauty.

She’s always been that way, no matter what anyone ever did or said to her, through good and bad, better and worse, she finds a way to give thanks and praise for the beauty that surrounds her. Even today as she winds down her life, Grandma still finds beauty in the simple things. When I call her to say hello and maybe ask her what she had for lunch that day, she never fails to say, “Oh, you should have seen the slice of cake [ham, roast beef, tater tots] they served at lunch. It was the prettiest thing I’ve evah seen!”

We could all learn a little something from Grandma.

You're So Critical!

Any problem, big or small...

always seems to start with bad communication.

Someone isn't listening.

~Emma Thompson

Sohbet (c) MJohnson 2011.

“You’re so critical!” he said to her, driving home from dinner that night. It was a moment—just words—that could have derailed their evening together had she assumed the worst. But she wanted to understand him; she always wanted to understand, so she asked, “What do you mean?” Then she listened.

Turns out, he meant that she was critical to him, to their relationship, to their peaceful life together. A very different “critical” than she had at first imagined.

An example so simple but so profound, with the power to shift our understanding of the way we communicate and perceive each other. Yet how often do we nearly kill ourselves jumping to conclusions?

I’ve seen it in friendships and partnerships; in the boardroom, the bedroom and in the courtroom. I’ve done it—selectively listened and assumed the worst—and I’ve watched with horrified amazement as others have done it too. I’ve witnessed folks come together for the right reasons and with the best intentions only to walk away from their common cause because what they heard and focused on was how far apart they were instead of how very closely aligned their interests had become.

There have been missed opportunities, hurt feelings, lawsuits, and, yes, even wars over the way we communicate and respond to crisis. We’ve ruined perfectly good times with loved ones because we’re so busy making assumptions about what they did or said or meant rather than assuming the best of their intentions and bridging the gap between our hearts. Misunderstandings have escalated into full-blown battles because we’re caught and entangled in our comforting but destructive habit of choosing to be offended.

But we’ve also created thriving businesses, communities, relationships and families through our conscious communications. We’ve expressed love, hurt, excitement and joy, and we’ve shared our plans and desires as others have heard us and responded in kind. What a relief to be heard and understood!

Sufi mystics describe this connection as “sohbet.” Though a bit difficult to translate in English, this word—pronounced “so-bet”—speaks of a different kind of conversation. It involves deep listening between the heart and spirit. It refers to a way of communication that is more than just words; it is, in essence, the transmission of one’s heart to another in conversation. But it’s even more than that, for true sohbet encompasses the many silent conversations taking place each moment between every living thing in the cosmos, and it is believed that those with ears attuned to the inner heart can hear these subtle exchanges.

True sohbets can be so powerful that those involved can bring about incredibly deep understanding in a very short period of time, much quicker than prayer and meditation alone. So significant is this to our highest way of being in the world that most every spiritual tradition describes a version of this “great listening”—Christians, Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists, and many Native Traditions—where we are encouraged to listen deeply and respond with the whole heart. And though many speak of listening to Spirit as the highest directive, this wisdom translates well into our relationships. Imagine what we could accomplish if we brought this practice to our business and personal affairs!

But to reach the level of sohbet, we have to put away our cell phones and laptops, video games and DVDs, turn off the television and tune into each other—eye to eye—and really connect with the truth of the heart and all that it reveals. That’s where the magic happens.

So as we move into this magical holiday season, giving thanks for all that is, why not give the gift of sohbet.  Be that person who seeks to understand before demanding to be understood, and there in that space discover the truth of just how critical you are.

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

No tree has branches so foolish

as to fight amongst themselves.

~Ojibwa Saying

When teaching pre-law students the finer points of logical reasoning, there is a type of argument I like to call “Resolve & Explain.”  In it we are presented with a set of facts that appear to be self-contradictory yet in reality they express a possible truth, and we’re asked to resolve and explain this discrepancy.  The correct answer choice will always be that piece of information that explains how both sides of the contradiction can be true at the same time.  Oh the paradox!

Can you imagine it—the ability to hold opposing thoughts in your mind at once and allow them both to be true?  Without feeling threatened by what the other “truth” may mean to your own?  It’s a fascinating way of viewing the world and no easy task; especially when you consider how we cling to our positions. 

Nowhere is this more pronounced than in our world’s religions.  Take for instance the recent showdown in the media between Mitt Romney and his rival, Texas Governor Rick Perry, following senior Baptist minister and Perry supporter Dr. Robert Jeffress’ commentary that Romney wasn’t a true Christian and that Mormonism is a cult.  Oooh, wee!  Can’t you just hear the Bible-thumping going on down there deep in the heart of Texas!  And the presidential race is just getting started…

Consider my Christian friends who feel it their duty to “convert” others to Christianity; or my Muslim friend who believes that Jesus, a high profit, was born to the Virgin Mary but considers it a “blaspheme” to say that Jesus was the “Son of God” because God is Spirit and Spirit can’t have sexual relations.  What tiny little hairs are we splitting here, and what does that really have to do with the core tenements of leading a spiritual life:  faith, hope, love and kindness?

Or consider my father’s deeply held conviction that all those who don’t believe in the Trinity—father, son, Holy Spirit—will, in fact, burn in hell.  What about those who simply choose the path of peace and kindness and live out that example every day?  What of my Bible-quoting, God-fearing colleague who claims astrology to be “the Devil’s work” anytime anyone makes mention of a horoscope or “guidance” from the stars, yet, wait a minute… weren’t the Three Wise Men guided by the stars to Bethlehem on the night of Jesus’ birth? 

Even within certain groups there are smaller and smaller divisions based on opportunity and belief.  Bucket-loads of money are spent every year securing our relative “stakes” in the community and the world at large, convincing others to join us in our way of thinking.  Like the recent string of commercials showing the everyday lives of people who call themselves Mormon, illustrating that they are, in fact, quite normal folks just like you and me lest you buy into Dr. Jeffress’ attempts to color them cult-like.

Take a look around; examples abound.  If we are to have any chance of creating a world that works for everyone, we must ask ourselves:  What is that piece of information that will allow both sides of the contradiction to be true?  That Mormons and Baptists are basically good?  That Muslims and Christians are right?  That two folks who believe different things—one in the Trinity, the other simply in kindness and compassion—will both arrive at the same place in the end?

I ask and I ask and I ask, and I keep coming back to this answer:  There is only One source from which all of life flows.  We, us, them—we are but different expressions of the One, energetically speaking; molecules in motion dancing endlessly through time.  We can split hairs with semantics; divide ourselves in to smaller and smaller pieces of One pie; make “them” wrong so we can be “right” and duke it out in very public and heated debates that will never bring anymore clarity than this.

We came from One and, in the end, to One we shall return.

We Are Born Winning

The greatest defense is being who you are.

~Mark Nepo

YOU ARE A WINNER!  Yes, you!  There.  I said it.  Cliche perhaps, but true.  Think about it...

The whole process of coming to Life is like a championship sporting event.  The female ovaries release an egg.  Hundreds of sperm race to meet it, but only a lucky few actually make it to the Fallopian gate to compete for a chance at fertilization.  My brother-in-law calls it "getting one past the goalie!"  I call it a miracle.  

No matter the argument for when life begins, there is this moment when the lone sperm penetrates the mature egg and all kinds of stuff starts happening.  Cells change, divide and Life begins to express itself in unique and incredible ways.  

It's mind-blowing, really, everything that has to happen and everything that could possibly go wrong in the process.  If the ovaries fail to produce an egg, or if it is brittle and defective, nothing happens.  If there's no sperm around to fertilize that egg at just the right moment, nothing happens.  If more than one sperm penetrates the egg at the same time, again, what we have is a failure to fertilize.  

Then there's everything that can go wrong during a pregnancy and complications at birth, not to mention the million-and-one things that can derail our journey once we're here--accidents, disease, careless mistakes--it's a wonder any of us make it to adulthood; especially when you consider the crazy, compromising situations we can get ourselves into because we're human and sometimes make really bad decisions even with the best of intentions. 

Then one day we're walking around--all arms and legs, opinions and attitudes--drowning in feelings of low self-esteem because everything seems to be going so horribly wrong.  Yet that's precisely when we need to remember the simple fact that we're here.  

You, in human form, having this fabulously strange, wonderful and, at times, heartbreaking experience.  And that, my friend, makes YOU a winner!

Melissa Johnson; (c) 2011.