IT'S ALL IN YOUR MIND!

“Don’t Make Assumptions.

Find the courage to ask questions

and to express what you really want.

Communicate with others as clearly as you can

to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.

With just this one agreement, 

you can completely transform your life.

~ Miguel Angel Ruiz

As You Think (c) 2012

They stayed in the city that night instead of retuning home to the mountains, so they seized the opportunity to take a late night stroll through the neighborhood—past the restaurants and yoga studios, churches and schools; past the houses with lights on where people moved about the way they do before turning in for the night.

Thrilled to be out walking past 9 p.m. (something they rarely did in their mountain community), they walked slowly, hand-in-hand, savoring the night, as they moved comfortably between sound bites of their busy week and absolute silence.  Then it happened, one of those “Aha!” moments that brings understanding.  The exchange went something like this:

HE SAID:  You know, if we kept our place in the mountains and bought a house or condo in the city, we could go walking like this every night.

SHE SAID:  That would be fantastic!

HE SAID:  But once our child starts school we couldn’t do that.

SHE SAID:  Why not?  We could just go after dinner.

HE SAID:  No, that won’t work.  Once our kid starts school we won’t be able to do that!

SHE SAID (with growing frustration):  Well, why the heck not?  I mean, once the kid starts school he’ll be old enough to stay up past 7 p.m., so why couldn’t we just have an early dinner and go right after?

HE SAID (also with growing frustration):  What are you talking about?  Once the kid starts school it won’t even be an option!

SHE SAID (eyebrows cocked, hands on hips and evermore frustration):  What am I talking about?  What are YOU talking about?  It’s not like our kid has to go to bed at 5 p.m.—why couldn’t we just go after dinner?

HE SAID (voice raised, chest bowed and that tone he gets when he’s convinced he’s among idiots):  Once school starts we’re not going to be running back and forth like that just to go for a walk in the City!

They stopped in their tracks and looked at each other, their faces colored with a mix of amused irritation and a hint of understanding; something in their communiqué was amuck!

Turns out, she had assumed that if they had a second home in this lovely neighborhood that their child would attend the prestigious Academy, a charter school located right in the middle of the development, so there was no reason why they couldn’t make this walk every night after dinner if they chose to.  But she didn’t say that; not to him anyway; not out loud.

And it turns out that he had assumed that once the kid started school they would be staying at their mountain home during the week because that’s where he would be registered for school, in his home community.  But he didn’t explain any of that; not to her anyway; not out loud.

But the real kicker is that this “child” they spoke of, the one whose schooling would prevent these fabulous evening walks through the city—completely fictitious; an unborn idea between an unmarried couple dreaming out loud about the future.

All the while, she thought he was being uptight about their child’s bedtime and he thought she had gone mad thinking they would be driving up and down the mountain to accommodate a late night city stroll, neither making any sense to the other at all.  But as the hole in their communication cleverly revealed itself, real magic happened.  There, in the gap, they saw the unspoken assumptions that had led them down this path of confusion.  They laughed so hard it hurt!

Thing is, so much of our experience of life takes place in our heads!  Sure, we move about in our day-to-day existence, grounded in the physical.  Yet whole worlds exist up there in the space between, real or imagined—for good or ill—and our perception of the world and the people in it and what’s going on around us all come from that place; including our disappointments about the way things “ought to be,” which points the finger of our personal suffering right back at us!

We make assumptions and then we make assumptions about those assumptions—assuming others are operating with the same understanding—many of which are flawed and which, in oft surprising ways, trigger our emotional experience and inflame our hotspots.  Next thing you know, you find yourself in that heated debate over why you can or can’t take an evening walk in the city after dinner with your unborn child because of where he’ll go to school!

Fascinating and a little bit scary when you consider that on some level we’re all doing this—experiencing the world around us in our heads—which may or may not produce an accurate picture of what’s really going on.  The key, I think, is to ask questions.  

When we make clarity and truth a priority in our lives, it allows us to acknowledge when we don’t understand something, to ask for confirmation, without getting all tangled up in the ego's need to be right.  And as our young couple learned, when we seek to bridge those communication gaps rather than assume another’s intent when we feel confused or offended, real magic awaits.  The only dumb questions are those not asked, so go ahead, give it a go.  You'll be surprised at the outcome and, who knows, you might just have a good laugh! 

What Remains

“All I have seen teaches me

to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.”

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

What nobody says about faith is that even in the most idyllic, peaceful of circumstances—when you somehow find a way to stand firm in your belief that you are where you need to be at any given time experiencing what you need to experience—having absolute faith in a process for which there is no guarantee can be a tumultuous proposition at best. 

 

Something good happens.  Let’s say you land your dream job with a little elbow grease but, in all honesty, not much effort on your part.  Perhaps they sought you out (the job literally fell in your lap) and you’re certain that it’s divinely inspired.  Your income and notoriety is on the rise, shining star that you are, and you are certain you are where you need to be.  Your faith is unstoppable! 

 

Then something bad happens.  Let’s say you find yourself on the receiving end of a cancer diagnosis.  Though aggressive, there are some good treatment options and so you roll up your sleeves and embark on the journey of a lifetime to beat that cancer and say YES to life!  But not before you go through a vigorous round of "Why me?" and "What did I ever do to deserve this?", spinning out in your mind with those counterproductive questions for which there are no immediate answers but which are, nevertheless, inevitable given the circumstances of your Life. 

 

Some people want to know that nothing happens by chance—not without their prior consent anyway (in this or another life)—a belief that puts us in the driver's seat and makes us responsbile for what happens to us because somehow in someway we had a hand in creating that experience, karmic or otherwise.  New age philosophies champion this concept, fending off skeptics who quesiton "Why in the world would I ever choose that?" with a quiet, confident reply:  you chose to have that experience before you were born, while still in spirit form, to further your soul's growth.    

 

Others say, “Well, it was God’s will...” when something bad happens, or "God was really looking out for me!" when forturne favors us, which, on some level, allows us to resign responsibility. But what does that really mean?  That it was God's will for you, his lovely and perfect creation, to get cancer? Or that God was looking out for you when you narrowly avoided that car crash, but not so much looking out for that child in Cambodia who was sold into slavery by her parents or that person you know battling cancer?  Why not?  Why would God so randomly distribute good will, selecting who gets to be happy or sad, healthy or sick, advantaged or disadvantaged and so on?  Weren't we all created equally and loved unconditionally?  How are those decisions made?  That one person is faced with a fight to live and another gets chosen for their dream job?   It hardly seems fair.

 

Either way, it seems to me that Life doesn’t much care how “in control” we think ourselves to be.  We’re all tested in one way or another, and if we are faithful to whatever process or situation we're going through we will discover our strength, deepen our faith, and learn something about how well we cope with the obstacles and struggles that come our way.  If we want to be rid of the latter we need only accept that it’s not only impossible but completely unnecessary to hold on so tight in an effort to control that which we have so little control over.  For the only thing that most of us have any real control over in this life is how we think, what we do on a day-to-day basis, and how we respond to the story unfolding around us.  

 

Perhaps that's why they say that struggle is sometimes necessary but always optional.

 

Consider, for instance, the quiet, detached faith it takes to grow something—anything—like a walnut tree, a process that can take 40 to 60 years to fully develop from planting to harvest. Depending on when you plant that seed you may or may not live to see it become all that it was meant to be. Mostly, I think, folks don't spin around with thoughts about whether that tree will grow or harbor feelings of persecution if it doesn't.  You plant that tree with every faith in its life and growth, maybe to benefit your children or grandchildren; perhaps for a lucrative harvest.  And if it doesn't work out?  Maybe you plant another tree.

 

In the end, whether you’re there to witness its final glory or simply rest in the knowledge that you had a hand in creating its beauty, the shade and loveliness that drapes the next generation is evidence of your fearless faith in the process of Life. That might just be the key.

INTO THE LIGHT

Intuitive Mind.

“There is no siren whose call is quite so exquisite

as the music of the future.

For as long as writing has existed there are records showing

we have sought to know its form.

Last year alone, literally billions were spent by widows, lovers, spies and presidents—

all seeking, like an arrow through time,

some way to answer: “In the future, what will . . .?”

~Stephan A. Schwartz

  

I knew I had hit rock bottom when I found myself on the phone with a pet psychic and I didn’t even have a pet.  Allow me to explain.

Having felt the first seismic tremors shaking the foundations of my life, I wanted someone to tell me what it all meant.  Why was it happening? Where was I going? Would it all be okay? Everything was upside down.  My relationship no longer worked.  Professionally, I felt the need for big change but what?  I knew that any change would create a domino effect in my life geographically, financially, and emotionally.  I was hearing the call but I was afraid to listen. What if I got it wrong?

I was scheduled to go to Hawaii the next month for a much-needed vacation, so I decided to turn my trip into a soul-searching retreat.  Maybe I can find a spiritual healer, I thought; some wise old sage to sit with me by a volcano and tell me what to do.  I began with an Internet search for “spiritual healers in Hawaii,” and within moments a page full of psychics and self-proclaimed spiritual advisors appeared on my screen. They promised “spookily accurate predictions” and direct lines with God.  Before that day I had never called a psychic in my life, but I was a woman on the edge, desperate for answers, and I was curious to know what they could see...if they could see.  I had been praying for guidance with no real-time answers and I needed to make some decisions soon, and so I started calling people on that list, growing more agitated and despondent with each call.

I was wasting my time.  None of their “predictions” were the same; none even came close to identifying my concerns.  They couldn’t “see” my life.  Then I got mad.  I was mad at how vulnerable I felt.  I was mad at the inconvenience of change.  I was mad because no one could see my truth.  I was mad because these people claimed to have the answers, preying on the likes of desperate people like me, and I fell for it!

Then something took over.  One-by-one I called them, all of these self-proclaimed seers.  I didn’t engage them in any real discussion; I just rang them up and gave them a piece of my mind, calling bullshit on their craft.  “What makes you think that your ‘line with God’ is any stronger than mine?”  I challenged, denying their exclusive link to the spirit world.  I unleashed my anger on all of them until I found myself on the phone with a pet psychic, crying, exhausted and ashamed of my temporary insanity.   

It was crazy, the way I behaved; so sad and hilariously pathetic that I had to share it with you now.  Thing is, I know what it feels like to be out there on a limb, equally scared and enticed by change, wanting a guarantee or confirmation of my next best step.  Sadly, not one thing in my years of formal education, study, practice or religious upbringing prepared me for this moment. 

In law school we’re trained to be aggressive in finding answers to our clients’ most pressing dilemmas; to solve problems and sort through the rubbish until we get to the truth; to counsel our clients on their next best step.  It’s professional malpractice if we don’t.  Whole industries are born and thrive around the practice of law and our need for information, supplying never-ending volumes of legal statutes, treaties, case law and continuing education seminars where lawyers network with each other.  We form special interest groups to deal with very specific legal issues and solve those pesky, recurring problems that demand solutions.  Even with the most difficult issues you can bet that someone, somewhere out there, has dealt with your problem and it’s just a matter of how resourceful and diligent you are in finding that information. 

But how do we find answers to the questions in our personal lives?  There is no book or standard that we can call upon to find the answer to the questions:  Should I take this job?  Should I marry…? Is … the way forward in my life?  Sure, we can seek comfort and perhaps some proverbial guidance by reading the Bible, Qur’an, Bhagavad Gita, Torah or other religious text.  We just have to go online to find a world full of life coaches and career counselors, Ask.com and Google searches, and self-help books with formulas and ideas for finding your life purpose or dealing with a wayward relationship.  Some are quite good.  Still, I challenge anyone to show me in any of these books or resources a direct answer to the pressing and super dynamic question:  Where do I go from here?      

Come to know what you know . . .

Not what you know in your head, 

what you know in your heart . . .

Everything you need is right there waiting for you,

To own . . . and to give away . . . in love.

~Gail Harris, Your Heart Knows the Answer

For the record, I do believe there are people in this world who have strong connections to the Spirit realm.  I am not here to discredit those who do, as many have helped to heal the sick, solve crimes and locate missing children; some are also mediums that provide an open line of communication between the living and the dead.  However, I have learned that when it comes to discerning the direction of my life someone else’s vision is no substitute for my own.

For light I go directly to the Source of light, 

not to any of the reflections.

~Peace Pilgrim

In Latin terms, the word intuition comes from the root “intueri”, which can be translated as “to look inside” or “to contemplate.”[1]  We come into this world with all that we need to survive and thrive in the outside world, including the ability to know our personal truth—a sixth-sense that is available to us all. 

Psychologist Carl Jung called it “perception by the unconscious,” where answers come less by thinking and feeling and more from sensory connection. There is that instinctive, intuitive process that brings things sharply into focus, alerting us to danger so that we can get out of harm’s way.  But there’s also the more deliberate intuitive connection that will guide us if we let it. Not a quick fix but a process that takes time and patience to discern.  Some people never connect, for reasons that I believe have more to do with the noise and chatter of our lives than lack of access to internal wisdom, but if we are committed to the process we can learn how to root down and quiet the logical mind, not empty the mind but still its processes, which allows us to connect our base of experience with our lifeline to the Divine.  There, in that space, solutions arise. 

It’s there for the taking.  We need only tune in, and trust ourselves to go into the light.

[1]  Carlin Flora. "Gut Almighty". Psychology Today. Vol 40. Issue 3:68-75,2007.

MAKE IT GREAT!

 “When I think something nice is going to happen

I seem to fly right up on the wings of anticipation;

and then the first thing I realize

I drop down to earth with a thud.

…the flying part is glorious as long as it lasts...

it's like soaring through a sunset.

I think it almost pays for the thud.”

~L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Avonlea

Moose Tracks (c) 2010; Melissa Johnson.

I once saw a documentary on the mating rituals of Moose. Fascinating and a bit disappointing, really, for reasons you'll soon understand.

There’s such hullabaloo in the ritual.  Come autumn, as if on cue, the bull moose begins to shed the soft velvet on his antlers.  “Shed first, mate first” might well be their motto, and the mature males usually go first, kicking off the rutting season by thrashing antlers about in the brush.  This alerts nearby cow moose (hey, ladies!) and other bulls that the game is on, confirming their prime status and challenging nearby bulls to a little stiff (ahem!) competition.

The bull then digs a hole (a few inches deep and a couple of feet wide)—his rutting pit of love—into which he urinates and then splashes around to cover his head and antlers and whatever else he can soak in his smell.  Strangely, this robust smell triggers ovulation in a nearby cow, which sends her into heat.  

Other bulls close-by respond to her smell and his call, fighting and knocking antlers and pushing each other around as they pound their moose chests, challenging each other for the chance to breed with the cow.  The cows are just sort of hanging out waiting to be chosen before their “time” runs out.  This process takes days (and about 25 minutes of a 30 minute documentary) to sort itself out. Then, finally, the superior bull makes his move . . .

It’s fairly anti-climaxic after that (pun intended), for the actual sex act between them takes just seconds to consummate.  Prime bulls may mate up to six times in the one-month season and, if my memory serves me correctly, I think the statistic was something like a whopping 90% of cows get pregnant on the first go in healthy moose populations!  Shortly thereafter, the bulls lose interest in the cows and the mamas basically raise their babies alone.  The end.  And just like that, the documentary was over.

I couldn’t help but laugh at the obvious comparison.  Okay, so moose mating rituals and the human experience are entirely different things, but in a similar way do we not build-up—even dramatize—the major events and relationships in our lives, planning each detail in our fascinating minds, plotting each move; soaring high with anticipation about how wonderful and great it’s all going to be when “it” goes down?  Only later to discover that the actual event was nowhere near as exciting as the road we took to arrive there. 

Apparently this sort of event anticipation is quite common among us two-leggeds.  Take vacations, for example.  A study conducted by researchers in the Netherlands (reported in the journal Applied Research in Quality of Life) found that the simple act of planning a vacation boosted individuals’ happiness quotient for eight weeks compared to the more baseline levels of happiness (or stress) that the same folks reported upon returning from the vacation.  (To read more, check out the NY Times article “How Vacations Affect Your Happiness”, published February 18, 2010, www.NYTimes.com.) 

Among other things, this study illustrates in simple terms the impact of excitement and anticipation on our happiness and overall sense of wellbeing.  Whether we’re planning a vacation, plotting a career change, making preparations for a wedding, dreaming of climbing that mountain or whatever other thing we can conjure in our minds, we’re wise to slow down and savor the delicious anticipation and excitement along the way.  

Indeed, it’s not just about the outcome but the journey itself.  Make it great!

What Are We So Afraid Of?

Fear is the cheapest room in the house.

I would like to see you living in better conditions.

~ Hafiz

Along Came A Spider.

A few weeks ago while working my volunteer shift at Children’s Hospital Colorado, I received a special request to sit with a little girl in one of the  9th floor rooms.  Her parents were working and couldn’t be there; she had been alone for most of the day.

From the minute I sat down in that rocking chair, she curled her little body into mine and looked up at me with those big eyes that seemed to say, “what now?”  I suppose it didn’t matter because she already had what she most wanted in that moment—human touch can heal in ways that medicine can’t—and so I searched my repertoire for anything that might entertain and amuse.

I sang a few songs (amusing); recited some limericks (entertaining), and then I came upon Little Miss Muffet floating around up there in my memory bank.  Remember that old nursery rhyme?

Little Miss Muffet

Sat on a tuffet,

Eating her curds and whey;

Along came a spider,

Who sat down beside her

And frightened Miss Muffet away

~ Songs for the Nursery (1805)

I’ve known this rhyme for years, but as the words formed on my lips, for the first time, I thought about the implications.  The spider merely sat down beside her and it frightened her away.  Really?  Arachnophobia aside, are we that easily scared of possibility? 

It made me think about the way we all carry fear in our hearts of some kind--real or imagined--for things that may never come to pass, yet in everyday ways we let those fears direct our course.   Like when we withhold our opinions for fear of rocking the boat; or stick with something or someone that may not be best for our lives because we’re afraid of change; or when we choose not to try something new because we might not like it.  But what if we loved it?  What if it changed our lives in amazing and unforeseen ways?  What if that spider became Miss Muffet’s best friend and side-kick?

I once read that lurking behind every fear is an all-pervasive thought of “I can’t handle it.”  Yet we’re so much stronger than we think--we CAN handle it--and sometimes by facing into our fears instead of running from them or avoiding, we learn more about ourselves and what we’re capable of doing, creating, becoming.

What are we so afraid of? 

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

Energy impacts us at all times,

and the frequency at which that energy moves

determines our physical, mental and spiritual health. . .

Why would you give your precious life energy . . . 

to something you [don’t] want?

~Dr. Wayne Dyer

"Harmonized"

(photo of original artwork) 

As a young attorney starting life in a new town on the coast of Florida, I joined a leadership program sponsored by the local Chamber of Commerce.  We had to commit ourselves to a year of exploring the nuances of business and industry in our two-county region—once a month devoting a day to visit a local business, manufacturing facility, the school system, the community hospital, a military base where we prepared to deploy as local troops would, exploring area tourist destinations, checking out delicious restaurants—all in an effort to better understand the nature and energy of the place we all called “home.” 

Our first exercise was to attend a SIM-SOC Retreat, where we lived for a weekend in a simulated society. Upon entering the SIM-SOC, each participant was assigned a new name, occupation, political and religious affiliation, family and marital status, educational background, a predetermined set of goals, problems and issues to resolve, and a fake bank account, together with some “cash” in the form of twisty-ties—the kind you tie-up trash bags with—representing our communal currency. 

Some of the participants, to their dismay, were assigned the lives of homeless people and, while everyone else had moderate or posh hotel rooms to call “home”—some sharing rooms with other participants (depending on their financial status)—the homeless folks had to hang out in the makeshift homeless shelter (a large conference room with only cots to sleep on).  We had no contact with the outside world. 

As simple as it sounds, this SIM-SOC experiment led to one of my greatest Aha!  moments as I witnessed the value, power and “energy” that we give to things.  What makes the almighty dollar (or twenty) so mighty?  Money can’t cleanse your soul or fundamentally change the nature of who we are.  I suppose it can solve problems in its own way.  But inherently, it is neither good nor evil, only that we make it so.  We energize it with our thoughts and actions.  So guess what happened when our “currency” changed to trash-bag-twisty-ties within the borders of our simulated society?  The twisty-tie became that mighty thing to give or be gotten, breeding the exact same kind of power struggles, control, greed, infighting, thievery, sharing and great acts of compassion that exactly mirror real life.

Yet EVERYTHING is energy—living, dynamic matter. Even the smallest subatomic particles are engaged in a constant process of exchange with other particles in a never-ending flow of energy, vibrating at different frequencies—light and fast moving particles producing sound and light—and slower, denser energy manifesting as the solid structures we see in the physical world.  Yet when examined under a high-powered microscope even these seemingly solid structures reveal themselves to be clusters of highly active particles, dancing and vibrating at varying speeds, dynamic in nature and part of larger organic energy patterns—reflecting order, not chaos as we might assume. 

This reminds me of a human interest story from several years back telling of the extraordinary sensory gift of Ben Underwood, a young man who lost both of his eyes to cancer at the age of two but then later discovered that he could see the world by clicking his tongue.  The technical term for this ability is “human echolocation,” similar to the built-in sonar device in animals such as dolphins and bats, which helps them navigate their environments by processing sound waves, or echoes, reflected back from objects around them.  In this way, a person capable of human echolocation can identify not only the location of objects, but often their size and basic composition (i.e., metal, wood, vegetation, etc.) based on the vibratory frequency of those objects.  Consider what this reveals about the nature of all things and the energy of life!

            So as you move through the world remember that everyone and everything contributes to the overall energy of your life.  It’s okay to be selective about what you support and how you allow yourself to be energized—for good or ill—by other people and things.  As our most natural law tells us: Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it simply changes form.    

            Ask yourself:  WHAT’S THE MATTER?

The Monkey Woman & the Alligator Man

We're all a little weird.  And life is a little weird. 

And when we find someone whose weirdness 

is compatible with ours,

we join up with them and fall 

into mutually satisfying weirdness-

and call it love-true love. 

~Robert Fulghum, True Love

  

I was visiting my friend Jenna that year. A brown-haired, brown-eyed beauty from Tennessee, Jenna had this thick, long mane of hair that followed the curve of her back, swaying behind her as she walked, and a long, slow southern-drawl as thick and sweet as molasses.  We had met in law school some years prior, and though the passing of time had forced us to trade our school books for an endless parade of clients, contracts and billable hours, our friendship had thrived.

She was a kindred spirit.  Smart and funny and interested in life, Jenna was the kind of friend you could trust and tell your secrets to; the kind of friend who would cheer you on in moments of triumph, and listen patiently as you cried your eyes out over some disappointment, always responding with compassion and candor.

And, oh, the things she’d say.  After a day in the sun, with a twinkle in her eye, she would tease, “Why, Melissa; you’re as brown as gingerbread; you better watch out or someone’s gonna’ eat you up!”  Always laughing and patting your arm or leg for emphasis.  She made me feel good about me.  So naturally that September, when I found myself in a funk, overworked, stressed out and recovering from a recent break-up, visiting Jenna was just what the doctor ordered.

We spent the afternoon hanging out by the pool, trading war stories from the trenches of our legal practice; she, speaking with warm affection of her husband, and I lamenting on my pathetic-all-but-non-existent-love-life.  We analyzed every word spoken, every tear shed and gut-wrenching moment of the break-up; caught and entangled in an exhausting game called "Let's Second Guess My Decision!" Should I have settled?  Would there be someone else better suited for me?  What if there wasn’t anyone else?  We carried on this way for hours until the sun set and we headed inside to take showers. 

“Come on, Melissa, it’s about to start!”  She called, grabbing two Cokes and a bag of microwave popcorn from the kitchen.  “This is the movie I was tellin’ you about."  I joined her on the sofa.

For the next hour, we watched in absolute amazement a film called “Freak Show,” a documentary about so called “circus sideshow freaks.” There was the human torso – the man born without legs who walked on his hands; the Siamese twins joined at the chest who married sisters, all sharing the same bed; a cute little man that called himself “The Pillow Man” because his neck was about 3 feet long, with no arms or a body – he was the size of a bed pillow. 

Then we were introduced to Priscilla, the Monkey Girl.  Born with hair all over her face and body, she had been dropped off at the circus one day by her father because he couldn’t handle the public’s reaction to her condition.  She was taken in and raised by the other circus people, making a good living for herself by performing and displaying her oddities.  My heart broke for the Monkey Girl. 

Then one day, the Alligator Man joined the circus, getting his name from the texture and appearance of his skin.  As fate would have it, he fell in love with the Monkey Girl, and she with him.  They were soon married, appearing everywhere in public and showcasing their wedding photos.  They seemed so happy together.

As the credits rolled, we sat in silence contemplating the insanity of it all; marveling at the ability of these people to be happy in spite of their circumstances.  Then Jenna turned, gently placing her hand on my arm, and in the most soothing voice I’d ever heard, said, “You see, Melissa, even the Monkey Woman found the Alligator Man . . . I just know there’s somebody out there for you.”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so I laughed; and we laughed and laughed.  I left Jenna’s house the next day full of gratitude for my own life and excitement for the discoveries yet to come.  

That was almost 15 years ago.  Now he’s here! My very own Alligator Man who loves and genuinely appreciates my crazy monkey business.  It feels like magic!  Yet, as I move from one phase of life to another, I see so clearly that these experiences, disappointments and difficult decisions led me to this exact place and time; to this wonderful connection; to this beautiful life we’re building together.  

We’ve only just begun to discover what we’re made of together, but I’m so glad he joined my crazy little circus!